This is a theme that’s persisted in my life for as long as I can remember, but it was only a few years ago that I started to recognize my natural disposition as a recluse. I realized that other people were more open and that I was a bit more internal. That thought really hit me about two years ago, just before my 25th birthday. At that time in my life I was completely bored and looking for *something*. After months of restlessness, I made a mid-year resolution to “share more.” (I’ve often made birthday resolutions, as opposed to New Years resolutions. Having the landmark as my birthday has always felt more personal, and there’s something about the spring we all associated with new beginnings.)
Sharing more not only brought me in touch with a different side of myself, but of a different side of my relationships, as well. It led to an emotional growth spurt, change of careers and better sense of my rank in the world. Reflecting two years back, I realize I was a wholly different person then; I was completely cracked open, an effort of my own making. I needed a change and I found it.
Now, I’m not sure that I am quite comfortable (bored) enough with my current surroundings to propel myself into that same state of openness, but it is something I would like to challenge myself with again in the future. Even if I don’t act on it again in the year ahead, I recognize when I close myself off now more than I did a few years ago, and that in it if itself seems notable.
There’s no pressing “thing” I hope to change in my 27th year and it feels...weird. When I turned 25, my resolution seemed like an obvious challenge to undertake. And now, with my early twenties under my belt, I’ve turned just about every coin of my personality over and examined both sides. There is a persisting contentment I feel approaching this birthday that I haven’t felt before, and I’ve resigned myself to riding the smooth water of that wave while it lasts, resisting the impulse to make a change.
I’ve always associated nice feelings with getting older and hope that sentiment sticks around. I feel more like the self I was a year ago than I have on any other birthday. That said, I hope to stay in the general realm of who I am today and was then, while remaining open to new experiences in this next year as I spin around the sun.
